"Go Sing Where I Send You" and "Glowing Mary"

"Go sing where I send you"  was a message that came to my heart this weekend, while I was standing up there by the choir singing.  I asked and I got the answer.  I'll continue this story on my Christmas-Miracles site because the stories somehow are connected and linked together in some way.  I just want to keep the message here with my "Journey: Choir and Cantor" log as a reminder of that it had came to my heart this weekend while singing.  

At the same time, another message came to my heart too. "it's time.  Make the rosary card and put it on the Rosary site for the Glowing Mary."  Hmm... interesting, "Glowing Mary" is the name that was in the message that came to my heart.  I'll finish the story and the outline on the Glowing Mary Rosary cards on another page on this site.  Interesting.  Let's see.

1. A Journey from Choir to Cantor

The first choir I sang with as a member was when I was 14.  Later, when I was older, I resumed my passion and joined another choir.  After that, I was invited to join the local county choir as well as a folk choir from our local church.  All this while I was singing in our church choir. 

 

Several years later, I moved to another state and continued my passion there, joining our church choir singing in English, our other choir singing in Spanish, and then the diocese choir.  Long story, I also joined another choir in another church, while I was also singing with their First Friday Choir.  A few months ago, I was invited to take on the First Friday Choir to choose the music and help with the direction. 

 

So, here I am, Lord, serving You with all my heart in music and song, singing with all my might, with faith, hope and love in my voice. 

 

I have always had a passion to cantor since I was a kid.  So, I asked one of our music directors if I could be a cantor.  And that's how I started my journey as a cantor.  There was a lot to learn, and so I bought a book called "Guide For Cantors" from a little shop in New York City called St. Paul's Book Store.

 

I have sung under the direction of several great directors, leaders and a composer.  I have studied under the direction of great teachers from conservatories, both piano and voice.  Life is always so busy.  And nonetheless, we need to keep up our passion and our faith.  I sing on.

 

10 - Returning Music to My Old Church of Twelve Years, St. Francis

Oh Lord, I just spent half an hour typing up the story about what happened twelve years ago and just when I got to the sun ray... the page went back and all that I typed were gone.  So, I understand now, that, that portion of the story was not suppose to be told, I guess.  Sorry, I'll move on.

Here, I'm returning the music, all of it, back to St. Francis.  I guess it is time for me to move on to stay where I am now at St. Ann. 

Just in one year of music from St. Francis, here's a list of song sheets and printed pages that I am returning this weekend.  For the memory, I'm including the list below.  I can sing each one of these songs.  I can sing the descant if there is any in any one of these songs. And there are many songs in the Hymnal that I've sung for the past 12 years.  That's another chapter.

Here are all the music that I'm returning to St. Francis:

Aimee’s #49 music materials
Returned items to St. Francis

A Folder for the Cantor Workshop - August 6, 2011
Enclosed are: various pages and printed sheets on scripture reading, changes, etc., plus
Books:
The Ministry of Cantors - Kathleen Harmon
The Order of Mass with Chant

Music: 63 items
A Christmas Festival
A Lamp for Your Feet - mini sheet
Advent Gospel Acclamation
Advent Gospel Acclamation
Advent Gospel Acclamation
Alleluia!  Raise the Gospel
Alleluia!  Raise the Gospel - printed sheet
Angels We Have Heard of High
Behold
binder - 4
Birthday Of A King
Bread Of Life
Breath Of Heaven
Carol Of The Kings
Celtic Alleluia
Choral Fanfare for Christ the King
Christmas Hymn
Christmastime
Come To The Water
Come, Promised One
Comfort My People
Comfort My People
Gather Song Book, 2 - #49 & no number
Give Me Jesus
Give Me Jesus
God Has Chosen Me
God Has Chosen Me
God Who Is Mighty
God, Beyond All Names
Here Am I, O God - mini sheets - 4
Here I Am, Lord
I Shall Live in the House of the Lord - mini sheet
It Came Upon The Midnight Clear
Jesus, Lamb of God
Joyful Gloria
Lamb of God - mini sheet
Lift High the Cross
Make Me a Channel of Your Peace
Make Me a Channel of Your Peace
Mass Of God’s Promise
Mass of Renewal
O Come, O Come, Emmanuel
O Holy Night - mini sheet
O Little Town Of Bethlehem
Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful
One Bread, One Body
One Bread, One Body
Pew Card
Psalm 138: On The Day I Called
Salisbury Alleluia
Salisbury Alleuia
Sanctus - 2 sets printed sheet
Shepherd me, O God
Sing of the Lord’s Goodness
Some Children See Him
The Lord Is My Light
The Vineyard Of The Lord - printed sheet
The Vineyard of the Lord - song book
To Jesus Christ, Our Sovereign King
Transfigure Us, O Lord
We Feel Your Presence, Lord
We Shall Rise Again
What Child Is This

 In addition, I'm returning the Gather Hymnal that I have since the Ash Wednesday of 1999.  The Sunday before that Ash Wednesday, I walked up to Diane, the Music Director at that time, and asked if I can join the choir.  She gave me that book, that Gather Hymnal and the music to sing for the coming Ash Wednesday, which was in three days.   Not knowing the routine of this church and with a few new pieces of music, like Ashes, I said yes.  

I practiced and practiced. When that Ash Wednesday came, I was able to sing the songs, even the new ones.  Thank goodness for the keyboard that my husband bought for me for my birthday.  I was able to sing the songs that I've never sung before and I did it very well at the Ash Wednesday 7pm mass.

At the end of the mass, we were all quietly walked in the chapel together.  I've never done this before.  So I followed the choir, wondering what song to sing next.  After I got in the chapel, I was in the very front pew.  Next to me, to my right, was a heavy set woman named Penny.  I was to her left.  I was kind of worry not knowing what to do, so I turned the pages to find the instruction from Diane on what to sing next or what I was suppose to do with the choir here in the chapel here... and suddenly... in a split second.... Penny took my book and threw it up in the air towards the back of the chapel with all my music in there to far behind me in another pew.  I even think she had hit somebody with it.  I just came here from New York.  Not understanding and not knowing why she did that.  I was so shocked, I buried my face in my hands and burst into tears.  I quietly cried and cried and cried with my face in my hands and cried.  I didn't want to leave my old church in New York where everyone knew me and loved me, but to come here, in a strange land with strangers like her that I didn't know and got my song book threw up in the air in front of everyone else in that chapel.  I was lost and shocked.  Penny later called and apologized.  Lord, am I suppose to forgive that.  I have to, and so I did.  We kept singing side by side for several more years until one day, our new choir director, told her in front of everyone that she was flat.  She was gone after that.  Later someone told me that the reason Penny left was because Kevin had embarrassed her and that was why she was gone.  I stay away from stuff like that and so I moved away from that subject.

Next chapter will be a list of songs I sung in the Gather Hymnal for the past twelve years.  Why, because I'm returning the book I had many marks in it since the Ash Wednesday1999.  I tried to buy one, but it was for the congregation.   I need the one for choir so it has all the parts.

Ash Wednesday 2012 was just a few days ago.  Interesting.

11 - Ash Wednesday 2-22-2012

Since my first mass here in Texas was celebrating Ash Wednesday in 1999 and sang with the choir at St. Francis, I kept singing with the choir every Ash Wednesday at 7pm since then.

Interestingly, this year, it is as if I'm not supposed to be at St Francis.  Many interesting things has happened since last year.  For several years, each incident was getting more and more serious, seriously keeping me from going back.  Then finally, a sign came and I understood. So I returned all my music and my books.  My hymnal has been with me since 1999.

It's Ash Wednesday again.  This year, Ash Wednesday was on 2-22-2012.  St. Ann had several mass all through the day.  The 7pm Mass was celebrated by the Spanish mass in the church and in the Assembly room.

I sang this year with the Spanish Choir for the Ash Wednesday.  Wonderful!  Loved it.  It was so wonderful singing with my friends at the Spanish choir at St. Ann.  They are always so welcoming and always giving me a kiss on my cheek to welcome me and thanking me  for singing with them.  I thank them for letting me sing wit them.  They are so amazing group of wonderful friends of each other.  To top it off, I love singing in Spanish.  It is as if I'm singing in my own language.  Very interesting.  Only time will tell. 

Thank you, Lord.  Thank you.

 

2. Starting My Jouney As a Cantor

The first calling came to me sometime in late 1990's.  I returned to singing in a choir after many  years.  One day, as I was sitting in the choir section, I looked ahead of me.  My eyes fell upon the cantor stand and I felt a strong calling to sing as a cantor.

 

Shortly after that, I moved to another state with my family.  The sense of calling to cantor had remained with me, stronger and stronger each day.  So, one day, I told our choir director that I would like to practice and learn to be a cantor.  He spent sometime with me going over the music.  I realized there was so much more I needed to know before I could start on my journey as a cantor.

 

In order for me to feel sure that I could do this, I took singing lessons from a conservatory.  Later, more private lesson from a voice teachers.  To help with my singing and to understand my music better, and of course, for my passion, I took piano lessons.  I continued both singing and piano lessons, both once a week, each a one hour private lesson. 

 

At this time, I am very grateful.  I realize, all these different churches, choirs, directors, even singing in Spanish for ten years with our Spanish choir, and singing in different churches, I have built a strong base.  To some great musicians, they might laugh at my thoughts.  But you know, none of us came to this world equipped with the instruments that all the musicians play, except for one: Our Voice.  

 

My Journey to sing continues here.  It started sometime ago, and I don't even know where, but I know the calling to sing for the Lord has been with me even before I knew it.

 

Praise God.  

3. My Journey As A Cantor

I came across a site has an article on the role of a cantor. The second section of the page, in bold header, it says, "The cantor is not a soloist."  Next section continues, "The cantor, on the other hand, sings with the congregation.  By beginning each hymn with a firm, clear voice, at a reasonable pitch and an appropriate tempo, he indicates the melody, pitch and rhythm to be used, enabling all those present to sing together. " These quotes can be found online at http://metropolitancantorinstitute.org/Cantor_role.html.

 

When I started my singing as a cantor a couple of years ago, I did really well the first time.  I was rehearsing all the songs, night and day, everyday, up to the moment I suppose to sing my first mass.  However, after that, everything started to feel challenging, more to learn and feel like something is missing.

 

September, a couple of months ago, I was in New York for my daughter's bridal shower.  I had one day to do whatever I want.  I ran to Manhattan and went to the St. Paul's Sister's books and media store.  They moved.  I have to find the new location.  I finally find it.  It was a very nice store.  I picked out a few books, sat down and read.  

 

I took a chance and asked the person at the front desk if she has anything related to "cantor" anything at all, like cantor training books and materials.  She stopped and thought for a short little while and said, "Yes! We do.  Come with me."  I followed along with excitement in my heart pounding on my chest with joys leaping inside of me.  She pulled out this thin book called "Guide for Cantors Liturgical Ministry Series"   It is an excellent book!  I read it right away at the store.  I sat for about 45 minutes just simply reading.  I bought the book. 

 

I read it on the plane coming home.  I read some more at night and whenever I can, when I can squeeze the time in between all that I have to do.  I read some more whenever I can in between my busy schedule.  I read up to a page about cantor's role is to sing with the congregation, not over them.  Sing with the people as one with the people.  Lead them, guide them, and be one with them singing praise to the Lord.  It gave me guidance to know now what I supposed to do as a cantor. 

4. Jouney As a Cantor Continues Onto Next Level

With the grace of God in my heart, I finally felt the beginning of my journey as a cantor has finally arrived, finally begins and finally here.  It's as if I am finally being accepted as ready to move up to the next level of my training in this journey as His cantor.  

I started to feel it a couple of weeks ago when suddenly, on a Saturday, singing at St. Ann, when Curtis was on vacation.  I started to sing, and felt a sense of difference in me.  I just sing.  My voice, I felt it was different.  Everything was, felt as if, perfect.  I was in my zone again.  As if I was in a bubble and singing.  I just let go and let myself sing.  

It very much started a few weeks back when Curtis started humming a children's song while the children were walking out of the church.  I started humming with him as if I knew the song.  As if it was a song that seems like I have been waiting for a long time.  The Wednesday rehearsal following that Sunday's mass, Curtis gave us the music to a new song called Let The Children Come.  I started singing it as if I knew it with familiarity.  It was simple and pretty, very pretty.  He then said to sing it like a lullaby.  So I did.  I sang it at rehearsal as if I have sung it before, as if I knew that song before, so I sung on.  While singing it, the more I sing it, the more it feels like it is one with me, in my heart, and I sing on. 

Since it is a new song, I hummed it from that Wednesday to Saturday for the vigil mass.  At mass, when we started singing that children's song, I suddenly felt a "me" in it and it was beautiful.  I felt the rise of my voice to the top of that high note with passion and poise, and then move down to holding off three middle notes, then pause for half a note, and continue on with the rest of the refrain.  Oh, it was so beautiful, the song.   I was in my element.  That's how Dave would call it.  And yes, I agree.  I was in my "zone," my bubble kind of moment.  From there on, the rest of the mass, I was flowing in space as I sing each song, each part, each note, and each song was so beautiful.  I felt it.  I knew I was doing my job correctly. 

Dave, my husband, kept complimenting me.  Of course, I thought to myself.  He is my husband.  Of course he will compliment me and my singing.  However, next morning, at the rehearsal at St. Ann for the 8am mass, Terry came up to me, put his arm around my shoulder and said, "My son loves your voice.  He loves your voice."  Nodding his head with his eyes closed and with a smile.  "Oh, thank you!" I replied, "Thank you! Please tell your son I said Thank You."  Then his wife came up to me and put her arm around my shoulder and said, "Aimee, yesterday after the mass, people came up to me and asked, who was singing the descant part?  Her voice was so beautiful."  Sue said. She continued and said, "Oh, yes, I know who that is!"   And she gave me a smile.  She then continued and said, "People loved it so much that they asked me if they can take the music sheet home.  Yes,  I told them yes, of course, they can take it home.  You did a great job singing yesterday."  Sue smiled, nodded her head and walked away.

 Oh Lord, I prayed.  Can I do it again?  I hope.  I really pray that I can do it again and again.  

 This past Sunday, I was cantoring at St. Francis for the 7:30am mass.  There, I felt the difference again.  I felt that confidence in my heart and the perfect counting with perfect notes again.  Just my voice, I woke up with a sore throat.  Why, interestingly, I wake up with a sore throat every time I have to cantor.  I think I'm the one to cause it.

 Anyhow, this past Sunday at St. Ann, while I was singing the 12pm noon mass, I suddenly have this idea came to me, to talk to Denise!  Yes, talk to Denise and ask her if I can sing all the masses, anything and all things that no one wants to sing.  I would sing like Stations of the Cross, the Anointing of the Sick, the First Fridays, etc.  Let me sing all the masses that no one wants to sing so I can get more practice.  In fact, ask Denise if I can sing all the 7:30am masses for the next set of cantor schedule, so I can get more practice.  What a great idea!  I thought to myself.

 After the 12pm mass at St. Ann, I went to St. Francis for the Spanish mass.  Since we have our grand-baby with us, I need to go to St. Francis quickly so Dave can play.  I got to St. Francis, got out of the car, walked as fast as I can, and got to the door.  I went inside, and there on the hallway, I saw Denise.  "Hi Denise!"  I called out.  She was walking up towards my direction.  "Hi, Aimee! I need to talk to you."  Denise said.  

 "Yes, same here.  I was thinking this morning to talk to you too."  I told Denise.  I then told her about the idea of assigning me to any mass that no one wants to sing, I would like to do them all so I can practice.

 Denise said she was going to ask me if I'd like to do the Corpus Christi next Sunday. 

 Oh my goodness, yes!  "Yes!"  I replied.  "Yes! Thank  you!"

 We then talked for a little while. I shared with Denise my analytic viewpoint of my singing and what went wrong at some of the times and why and how I caused myself messing up my singing.  I then told Denise how I think I can fix it.  I need more practice, "Practice makes perfect."  I started the conversation with that and I asked if I can do all the 7:30am mass. 

 Oh, God, thank You!  Thank You for sending Denise to me.  Thank you for sending Curtis to teach me.  Thank you for all the great teachers that I have had since day one of my service for you at St. Peter's Church in Riverdale, Yonkers, New York.

 This coming weekend is Corpus Christi.  Here are the songs that I will be singing.  Please be my guide and lead me.  Thank you, God.

 Dear God, thank You.  I pray that You stay close to me in my heart as I sing the Corpus Christi for you this weekend. 

 Corpus Christi Adoration/Procession - this Sunday, June 26 @ 3 PM

 

 

5. Against All Odds - Keep Singing, Keep Your Music Playing, Be Who God Made Us Be, In His Name

against all odds...

 

6. My Journey in Music Started with Two Nuns Assigning Me to Sing

I didn't ask for it.  It was two nuns came up to my mother, while she was in the hospital and told her that I need to join the choir and sing.  It was Sister Betty and Sister Helen, 1974.  So, my journey began.  I was assigned to St. Peter's Church in Riverdale, Yonkers, New York, and I started singing every Sunday with rehearsals on Tuesday night.  I would walk from South Broadway to Riverdale for rehearsal every Tuesday night.  The first song I studied to sing was "You Fill Up My Senses" by John Denver.  Interesting for a choir to sing modern music in those old days.  That was it.  That was the beginning of my journey to serve the Lord through music and songs, through praising, through my voice, through giving and sharing the gifts that is given to me ONLY to serve God.

 

7. A Choir Member's Comment, "You're a good leader."

This past Sunday, as with any other times, I would make excuses why I shouldn't sing out, but just sing quietly.  So, I made sure I sing out not too loud.  At the end of the mass, one of our choir friends came up to me and said that she was glad that I was here at this mass.  I put my head down, feeling a little didn't deserve that message because I held back in many areas.  I replied and said, "Hmm.. yeah, but I didn't do a good job.  I did only about 55% good."  She waved her hand at me and said, "No, to me, you were 100% good!  I'm so glad you're here."  I looked at her with an appreciated smile and said a thank you.  She smiled and continued, "You're a good leader."  I smiled back and knotted my head with a thank you, appreciating her appreciation and comment.  For the rest of the day, I reminded myself to give my 100% and so I did.  This is my journey.  I must not let any thoughts that would stand in my way to do my good deeds for the Lord in singing praise for Him and to Him. 

8. I Now Understand Why I Was Married Away So Young

I used to cry and cry and cry and never understand why.  Why did God allowed my mom to married me away when I was so young.  I used to walk around with my head down.  Never tell anyone that it was not I, but was my mom who did that.  I now understand.  It is so I can spend the rest of my life serving Him.

My daughter is grown up now and is married to a wonderful, wonderful man.  My son is grown now and has moved out with my grand baby.  My youngest son is beyond teen and is doing whatever he wants (good things), like sleeping over at my older son's tonight.  My home is so quiet.  My husband is asleep.  And I I just spent the last several hours practicing the songs that I have received to sing this Ash Wednesday and for next Sunday with the Spanish choir.

That is the next chapter, 9 - I Now Understand Why I Was Doing So Well In Spanish In 1974.

 

9 - I Now Understand Why I Was Doing So Well In Spanish

Singing in the Spanish Choir now and for the past 12 years made me wonder if that was the reason why I was doing so well in Spanish back in the High School days. 

It was so amazing.  Everything the teacher was saying, I understood.  Everything she pointed out, I got it, just like that.  All the verbs, all the vocabulary, all the conjugation, all the grammar, all that yo quiero, tu / ustedes guieres, el / ella guiere, and so on and so forth.  It was like, so easy, as if it was my native language.  It was so amazing, that made me wonder all these years, why I was doing so well in Spanish.  I was getting 96 on my report card.  I was not so pleased with that 96 because I was doing so well, it was impossible for me not to get a 100.  So, the 4 points was lost on something very silly. 

That was many years ago when I learned Spanish.   I now serve my Lord Jesus in music and songs, in English and in Spanish.  I felt this journey has just begun.  Let's see where it will lead me.   For years, I did not do my job.  Like Jonah, I kept running away from it.  I now stand in front of it and only thing to do is to face the music and sing.

If anyone cannot understand that. That is fine.  I don't either.  So why waste time trying to figure out what God is trying to do.  All He ask of me is to sing for Him, since 1974.  I finally, stand still, and do my job as I suppose to do.